Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
