I wish I could punch you in the face.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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