I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
