It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
