Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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