I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
