Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
