Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
