38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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