you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
