I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well I just put wine in my tea
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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