Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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