i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
