Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
