I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My cat gives me a boner
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
