Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
