I can text with my tongue
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
