i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
