Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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