You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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