highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
