just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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