i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
