He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
