Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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