On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize