Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
