We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
