Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
