My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
