He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
