Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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