so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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