oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
