The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
