people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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