zippers are such a cool invention
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
