I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
