Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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