yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We're too hungover to prance.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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