And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
