If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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