I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
