do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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