Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
