As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
