dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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