Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
