I'm jealous of your bromance
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My cat gives me a boner
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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