Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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