Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
