Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
