If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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