Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
