bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can text with my tongue
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
