Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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