y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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