Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
