went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
