my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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