Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Never joke about your clitoris.
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