If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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