so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
