There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
