My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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