he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
