Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
