why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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