I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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